News
In Spite Of Novelty Sign, God Declines To Bless This Mess
1+ hour, 23+ min ago (29+ words) TAMPA, FL " Heavenly sources have announced that the Almighty has declined to "Bless This Mess" in spite of the presence of a novelty sign requesting that He do so....
Web MD Adds Convenient "Draft My Last Will And Testament" Option
2+ hour, 1+ min ago (30+ words) U. S. " As part of ongoing efforts to empower the patient, medical website Web MD has added a convenient "Draft My Last Will And Testament" option for users researching their symptoms....
Karen Bass Endorsed By California Wildfires
2+ hour, 58+ min ago (31+ words) LOS ANGELES, CA " Mayor Karen Bass received a glowing endorsement from California wildfires over the weekend, with thousands of acres of burned timber throwing their support behind Bass's re-election campaign....
Dems Accuse Spencer Pratt Of Not Wanting To Destroy California
2+ hour, 30+ min ago (25+ words) LOS ANGELES, CA " Democrats have unleashed vicious attack ads accusing L. A. mayoral candidate Spencer Pratt of not wanting to destroy the state of California....
Woman Healed Of Liberalism After Touching Golden Trump Statue
20+ hour, 48+ min ago (30+ words) MIAMI, FL " A newly christened golden statue of President Donald Trump may have healing powers, as sources confirmed a woman who had touched it was miraculously healed of her liberalism....
What Luck! Dr. Fauci Announces He's Been Working On Hantavirus Vaccine This Whole Time
21+ hour, 3+ min ago (38+ words) ROCKVILLE, MD " Hantavirus has quickly become the biggest viral threat to humanity since COVID and as luck would have it, Dr. Fauci has announced that he has been working on a hantavirus vaccine this entire time. How convenient!...
Trump Unveils Plans To Turn Reflecting Pool Into Humongous Water Park
1+ day, 28+ min ago (27+ words) WASHINGTON, D. C. " Liberals across the nation were horrified as Trump turned the Lincoln Memorial's Reflecting Pool into the largest water amusement park east of the Mississippi....
Goodyear Blimp Barely Recognizable After Going On Ozempic
1+ day, 1+ hour ago (18+ words) CARSON, CA " The famous Goodyear Blimp has become nearly unrecognizable after starting the popular weight-loss drug Ozempic....
Ew, A Gross Disgusting Bug " What, Why Did You Kill It, YOU MONSTER! " Op-Ed By Wife
1+ day, 9+ min ago (63+ words) You won't believe what my husband just did. There was this horrible looking bug " I don't know what it was, but it had LEGS and a BODY and I swear it was going to maybe crawl on me. It was in…...
Three Republicans Thrown Into Fiery Furnace For Not Bowing Down To Trump Statue
1+ day, 3+ hour ago (47+ words) MAR-A-LAGO, FL " Three Republicans refused to bow to the golden Trump statue at Mar-A-Lago, sources confirmed today. Those at the unveiling had been instructed to bow down and worship when Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the U. S. A." played on the PA system....