News
'New York Times' Retracts Story Due To Several Accuracies
1+ hour, 35+ min ago (212+ words) NEW YORK, NY " The recent string of embarrassing incidents involving popular media outlets continued on Monday, as The New York Times was forced to retract a story due to several accuracies. The once-trusted newspaper of record issued a public release…...
‘Sinners’ Wins Oscar For Crappiest Movie To Win Oscar
18+ hour, 40+ min ago (93+ words) Sinners" Wins Oscar For Crappiest Movie To Win Oscar'babylonbee.com Sinners" Wins Oscar For Crappiest Movie To Win Oscar HOLLYWOOD, CA " The horror movie Sinners has officially won the Oscar for "Crappiest Movie To Win An Oscar". The award each…...
Trump Snubbed Again At Oscars For Role In 'Home Alone 2"
18+ hour, 55+ min ago (126+ words) HOLLYWOOD, CA " President Trump has once again been snubbed for his iconic role in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. Despite laudatory reviews for his performance accumulating over decades, the Academy appeared to put politics over performance, again denying Trump…...
Bill Clinton Selflessly Volunteers To Help Short-Staffed TSA With Pat Downs
2+ day, 2+ hour ago (183+ words) CHAPPAQUA, NY " With TSA suffering severe staffing shortages amid a halt in pay, former President Bill Clinton has volunteered to lend a hand patting down passengers. A smiling Clinton arrived early for his shift at JFK International, telling TSA agents…...
FBI Wondering If Swearing Allegiance To ISIS Might Be Slight Red Flag
2+ day, 3+ hour ago (625+ words) WASHINGTON, D.C. " In the wake of another domestic terrorist attack this past week at Old Dominion, the FBI began wondering if perhaps a person swearing allegiance to ISIS might be a sort of red flag. FBI Wondering If Swearing Allegiance To…...
'Merely A Flesh Wound!' Says Legless Torso Of Iranian Ayatollah
2+ day, 4+ hour ago (168+ words) TEHRAN " The legless torso of newly-appointed Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei assured the world that the loss of his legs in battle was "just a flesh wound". "Tis' but a scratch," declared Khamenei as aides carefully balanced his torso on the floor....
Man's 47-minute Video Of Son's Pee Wee Soccer Game Snubbed For Oscar
2+ day, 22+ hour ago (269+ words) PHOENIX, AZ " Local dad Ben Grant was disappointed to learn that the 47-minute-long video he took of his 5-year-old son's pee wee soccer game was snubbed for any consideration at the Oscars this year. "They don't know great filmmaking when…...
Unpaid TSA Agent Still Showing Up To Grope People For Love Of The Game
2+ day, 23+ hour ago (243+ words) DENVER, CO " Despite the partial government shutdown, one unpaid TSA agent is still showing up to grope people at the airport for the pure love of the game. The TSA is one of the agencies that has been affected by…...
Tragedy: Liberal Gets Stabbed Before Finishing Telling People How Peaceful Islam Is
3+ day, 15+ min ago (206+ words) LONDON " Authorities closed off a section of Barking Road in East Ham on Friday following the death of a liberal man who was stabbed to death before he had a chance to finish telling everyone how peaceful Islam is. According…...
Man Hires Oscars Orchestra To Play 'Wrap It Up' Music When Wife's Stories Go Too Long
4+ day, 49+ min ago (234+ words) MILWAUKEE, WI " Local man Ed Clayfield reportedly saved himself an extended period of suffering by hiring members of the Academy Awards Orchestra to perform the "Wrap It Up" music whenever his wife's stories go too long. "I got the idea…...